well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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