laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
