I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize