SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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