You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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