Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize