I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
