So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize