"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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