he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
