you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
