dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
