It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
