About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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