just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
