Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
