my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
