only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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