:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
