my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
