I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
