She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
