Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
