can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
