I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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