She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
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