Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I think im going to throw up on grandma
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize