I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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