You're completely useless in the revolution.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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