I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize