Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
