From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
