What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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