yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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