I want to walk on stilts...naked
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
