I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
