Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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