So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
we're so committed to being not committed
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
