she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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