So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
