There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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