'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
