You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
