this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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