I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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