sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I wish I only lived at night.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
