just come out here and I will go home with you...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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