the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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