How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
