he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
