i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
