you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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