she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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