I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
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