woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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