Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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