I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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