My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
