It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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