Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
