She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize