I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Well I just put wine in my tea
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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