dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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