I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
