apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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