I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
