I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize