Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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