i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
