just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
