I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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