you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
