Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
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