Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
