i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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