New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
